I'm having a hard time being an adult today. I'm fighting the urges to just scream until I get my way or sit and pout until someone else caves in.

Money issues are really causing some drama for me right now. I don't want to discuss it. I hate bringing it up. But it's weighing heavily on my shoulders and there's no easy fix. Plus I've been thinking about my dad a lot. Some days are good and others... not so much. And as the big 3-0 gets closer and closer I'm thinking more and more about starting a family. But I worry about how to support a family on the tiny paychecks we're bringing home. I have a job that I sort of like but I wish I had a career that I felt passionate about. It just sucks to be me today.

I get so jealous sometimes. Jealous of others who landed amazing jobs with incredible salaries and never-ending bank accounts and have dependable, hard-working spouses who are devoted to their marriage and beautiful, well-behaved children and they live in big spacious houses with immaculately manicured lawns and they spend tons of time with their families and friends who all live close and are all vibrant and healthy and alive and they're constantly traveling to fun exotic destinations and don't get me started on their clothes .......

Honestly, I don't know one single person who that accurately describes. I just kind of meshed everything I want into one crazy dream sentence. But there are folks out there who have several of the things I listed and there are times I wished I had their lives.

It's just not fair and I wanna take my toys and go home.

Maybe I just need a good cry and a nap.